X-File

When were you going to tell me that inside no. 9 is not about 9 Downing street?! Every clip I have ever seen of that show is making so much more sense now.

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I’m still upset that a plant room refers to a power plant and not a secret shrubbery cupboard.

I live in a world where Simon Cowell is a fictional character from the second Shrek film. It’s peaceful here.

How, after watching me take a serious detour through a hedged maze, could you possibly still think I want to discuss my political views with you? It doesn’t get much less subtle than that (another close encounter of the very intense university socialist party kind).

“Bow wow, miserable man” – Saw this written on a whiteboard today. I wish I had even a smidgen more context.

Every Easter, I am reminded that I have confused the stories of Jesus and Blackbeard’s deaths, and I am greatly disappointed by my new underwhelming worldview (yes, I do keep thinking Easter was the day that Jesus came back to life and ran around the cross three times.)

This just in: Adele and HBO’s ‘The Boys’ reach new popularity with smash hit cover, “Rolling with The Deep”!

Kanye West at the beginning of 2023: “New year, new Ye”. (Edit: If only this were true)

“All I wanna do is have some fun Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard” – Count Dracula.

This evening has well and truly run out my spoons, forks and knives. Functioning on jagged shards of silver to pull me through my remaining social commitments.