X-File

Caper is such an exciting word. Are you in for a thrilling escapade? Or is it a salty green treat? Either way, adventure awaits!

I don’t believe in horses. Something suspicious about them. I suspect foal play.

New drink combo: Mescal and Coke. Tastes just like tyres!

If you are wearing toe shoes don’t sit next to me on the tram. I don’t know you well enough for you to wiggle those things at me, it makes me nervous.

New band name idea: Guilty napkin.

Space grease ™. Now with 10% more galactic soup!

“Get ’em while they’re hat!” (My friend’s incredible impression of a hat salesman).

Let’s play how long until I accidentally felt this jumper. Standing record is 2 washes. Exciting times! (Edit: It was 3…)

The anticipation of waiting for those order buzzers to go off always leads me to the paranoid belief that they have the power and intention to electrocute me. Is this a universal experience?

“Now this much horse but a little more shame” – There is context for why I said this, but I think it honestly speaks for itself.